Traditions and Rituals Create Organized Families
It had not occurred to me how important our family rituals were until my husband connected with an article this morning about blended families and bedtime rituals. As a blended family, with children from both parental components, I have watched the relationships between all of our family members evolve over the course of the marriage. If I could summarize this evolution, it would be a chronological progression of our newly created family rituals.
From the beginning of this dynamic five-way relationship there was the need for consistency. It kept our priorities focused. It gave the children something familiar to connect with. It started slowly at first, just as any good relationship does. There were weekly trips to the farmers market on Saturday morning followed by a library visit to stock up on the week’s reading material. The children became accustomed to the routine of buying our fruits and vegetables together and dropping by Ms. McKinney’s booth to sample a cookie on the way to get our literary works. When we moved across town, the habit of making our weekly trips downtown became cumbersome and it evolved into making “paw paw pancakes” and trips to the neighborhood pool together. For a while the children helped us save money to purchase a backyard playscape and we all monitored our savings progress on a paper thermometer attached to the refridgerator… watching it creep up until, much to their delight, a playscape appeared on our lawn. At Christmas time, it was decided that since baby Jesus only got three gifts that the parents would give three gifts and Santa would leave another. At the birth of this new holiday ritual, their Christmas requests started to be rationed accordingly. By creating family rituals, we were able to connect as a new family in creative ways. I began to hear the children talking to friends and adults about the things that we did. I realized the rituals were a pattern that was helping us cut the cloth of what was becoming a beautiful family unit.
Bedtime is another area that has become a ritual. Baths are taken (we rotate the order to keep things fair.) Teeth are brushed (and inspected.) And then comes the strongest most long-lived ritual of all. We sing. Each child has their own song. We sing every night. We sing badly. Sometimes we sing softly. Sometimes loudly, but every night we sing their own special song right before we kiss them goodnight. The expectation is strong. I keep waiting for my oldest child to be tired (no pun intended) of this nightly ritual. But at twelve, if we miss a night the obvious question will come…”are we not singing tonight?” So sing we do. It is how we connected. Tentatively at first with a new parent that they weren’t quite sure how to behave around. Sowly and steadily evolving into a family ritual.
The day will come when our current family rituals will fade away and be replaced by ones that fit the needs of our budding pre-teens. For now I am content to stay grounded in their presence and to accept that these rituals were the acts that led to behaviors that created this marvelous family.
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